Sweaty Days

...are here again! Remember the good old days were I talked about my success instead of my hangups. Well I'm back! I have had a really bummer of a year.... but enough of that. I went to the gym again last night and walked out a sweaty mess. It felt so good.  Yup I love to stink :). I  don't know why it is so easy to forget how good it feels to have sweat roll down your back. I love the emotional high after. Knowing that I did something that I had absolute control over.... that is the best part. I do all I can do. Nobody decides that for me. So I have decided to post where I am now and be proud of that....also to show myself what I can accomplish in the next few months. I want these clothes to be to big on me, and I will have a posture that I can be proud of again!

Tea Time

I think I have mentioned before that Kindergarten is kicking Audrey's behind. By Wednesday night she is grumpy, By Thursday a mess, by Friday wasted. This last Friday was no exception. She has a molar coming in as well to top things off and so I decided to keep her home with me. What that meant today was Tea Time (sorta) with Grandma and Ava. We were going to Tea, but got there only to find out reservations were supposed to have been made. The girls were so excited about tea, so we went to Barnes and Noble and had our own Tea Time. Grandma bought lunch and of course TREATS!

The Girls loved our modified Tea and still were able to go home and take a long nap (one of the conditions for Audrey to stay home from school.) After nap the kids packed it up and went to Ava's house for the weekend. Spencer had gift buying at school this week. He used his own money and got me this.....

Yup the writing is all his own. Shannon got one that says World's Best Papa! ( We have since learned that these have to be washed very carefully.) He also got gifts for the girls which lead to this.

As I watch my children grow, I am consistently proud of the way they think of others and always look out for each other!
The kids went to Ava's house for the weekend. Shannon and I went out on a date and had a wonderful weekend! Thank you Jim and Katie!

Princess Potty Weekend!

We had an awesome Cousin weekend. Ava got to hang out with us...yup for the whole weekend. While she was here we got rid of the diapers. We also had lunch with Audrey at school on Friday, played games, colored, danced watched movies(All of this on Friday.)
On Saturday we hosted coffee break for our service group, played games colored, danced played went to Luca's house to play and do a gingerbread house.
On Sunday Spencer and Audrey went to Eatonville to hang out with Grandpa Bob and family. So Ava had breakfast at Carrs with Shannon and I. We came home and Shannon went to work at a local Kingdom Hall being built. While Ava and I watched movies and had great success without diapers.
I saw lots of smiles, got tons of hugs and snuggles, Heard lots of "I did it Tia Mo, I tinkled on the potty" I really enjoyed this special time with my niece!

Stubborn

Those who know me well, know that my worst quality is stubbornness. I believe it is my best and worst quality. It is my best when I refuse to fail. My best when I keep pushing at something even though I was told it would never happen...that I could not accomplish something. Tonight stubbornicity (my special name) is not a good thing. My dear husband pointed some things out to me tonight and well my first reaction  was not pleasant. To be honest I am writing this to sort out my feelings because I still want to kick him....hard! The thing is that he was right about a lot of things. The problem is not that he was right, but that if I make the changes he pointedly said I need to make I know that I will improve, the thing is I don't want him to think that I made said changes because of this conversation. I was on the verge of figuring this out on my own..... I don't want to make the changes because of him. I feel like this is a huge emotional ball of yuk that I need to smash and it bothers me that he is making me deal with it. UGH!
 I so don't want to keep going with this but I'm going to figure it out if it kills me....or him! He pointed out that I am at square one with this. I have maintained the WW and the gym membership as a front. As a protection... truth is he is right. Im having a difficult time imagining myself past this point. Im thinking that the work I have put into this is good, but how am I going to keep it up. Is it realistic to believe that a size 8 or 10 is in my future. I am at my smallest, if I lose more can I maintain it? Do I deserve it? Am I being a stubborn little brat and saying that I want my cake and want to eat the frosting too?
 Shannon thinks that I am being stubborn, that Im getting in my own way. He is right. Im at a loss. I am at square one. I have 40lbs to go....still. My sis in law said something once ( she says a lot of cool things more often than once) Stop Looking for inspiration and be Inspirational! I need to get past this next hurdle. I need to let myself enjoy this, to embrace my new body, my new self and embrace my stubbornness to be inspirational. Every journey has hurdles, hills and mountains. I am climbing a mountain, I can either turn around and give up, stay put...and give up. Or press through this next wall and show myself that stubbornness can be a great thing!

Home day

Audrey stayed home from school today. She had her 6year old check up (Yup she is 6 now) and is in the 75th percentile for height and weight. She was a brave little girl for her flu shot. Not one tear today. We went to Target with Grandma for a couple things and Ava ended up with this.

She was so excited "I'm a princess" This along with the princess underwear she feels gorgeous! Audrey and Ava are having a blast today. It has been a while since they got to play the whole day away. I just mentioned nap... Audrey now wants to go to school. Oh well as school is kicking her behind she will do just fine with nap.

4x4 Saturday

We went for a drive on Saturday. To this remote cabin in the woods that Shannon found with some friends on Fair weekend. The snow had started up there and we found some new adventures along the way.

Needless to say Shannon was quite content at the end of the day. The family had fun together and the Durango made it home in one piece. It was a good day!

This year

This year has pretty much kept me in "survival mode". I haven't thrived this year. Ive maintained, lost a little weight, but for the most part maintained. No I'm not done. Ive got a ways to go. How do I get out of this mode and into Thrive mode? How do I stop looking for inspiration and be inspirational? The truth is that Ive gotten a little bit whiny a little bit back into the habit of letting life control what I do and how I cope. I know I will be happy when this year is over, however it has taught me that I am not through yet. If life still derails me I'm not in the place I want to be. I feel like Ive made a lot of excuses each week when I weigh in. ..... Its my period week,....it was stressful at work.....my family is killing me. The truth is that if I was healthy and secure as I should be, I should be using all those excuses to fuel my fire. Instead Ive gone into survival mode.
 Now is the time to thrive. Take all the bad and turn it into something I can handle. Turn it into fuel and burn it off at the gym. I'm not going to let myself get lost again. I did that before and hid in an extra 100lbs of yuck. So this year is not over....I am back and I'm going to thrive for the rest of 2010!

Wii Compitition

 So my husband and I have a little friendly competition happening. We are stepping on the wii to see who can lose 10lbs the quickest. Between you and me .... he will probably win. But it will give me a little support over the next few weeks until he gets there. :) He has started riding again. I'm going to get started on my swimming training on Friday. It may be all I do for a while, swimming and strength training and walking. I'm still having heel pain and am procrastinating seeing the Doctor. I keep thinking that if I stay off the foot maybe it will heel on its own. I'm giving myself 2 more weeks and then I will make an appointment with the dreamy foot Doctor.(He reminds me of James Bond...so nice to look at.) I had foot problems a few years back and he made me orthotics. As I lost weight and worked out more I stopped wearing them (my foot problem was better as well) but I did some research online and have diagnosed myself  with Achilles tendinitis. It said that some Docs will have you in orthotics to help. I have been wearing all week and so far I see a little improvement. I'm really nervous of foot issues as they run in my family. 
 Anyhow it would be really awesome to kick his butt in this. He tends to get bored and lose focus so it could work in my favor. (Can you tell he never reads this so I can write all I want moowaah ha ha)

Here we go......Maybe at the end he might smile??? :)

Weekend Overview

Im ok with the way this weekend happened. I made pretty good choices. I have some serious work ahead of me. Im trying to locate my hangups and fix them. Saturday went really well. We did go out to eat but I ordered a Hummus plate.....soooo good. Lots of veggies and some flatbread. We did stop at Trader Joes...that was my downfall. Chocolate caramels and a little bit of Brie. I still did good on Saturday. Sunday however was a different story. I let a few things get to me and finished the Brie for lunch....and had a Java Twix (amazing, by the way) that night for dinner. Not such a great day, but I learned some things. Yes sugar is my crutch. I love it, crave it and really need to put it in its place. I also learned that stress is an emotion that triggers stupid eating. Ok .... I already knew that. But I learned that I have control over how I deal with these things. So next time I will handle differently.
 The week is usually set for me. I have a water routine and food routine. My exercise routine has not been working as planned so Im going to tweek it a little. More on that later.

Pumpkin patch

We went to the pumpkin patch today. The one we usually go to was packed out as the weather was beautiful. We tried out a couple different ones. Spencer is at a friends this weekend so it was just the three of us and Jim Katie and Ava. Here are a few shots from today.

Not sure who's feet these are? Auntie and Audrey have the same taste in boots.(Just so happens Auntie can still fit the kids boots.)

This weekend

 Have you ever looked at yourself and known that you are setting yourself up for dismay. I'm thinking this is a good time to set a goal for my weekend. A short term goal...but a pretty major one for myself. I'm wanting Pizza, Brie and Bread and chocolate caramels....and...and. It seems to me that after a couple good weeks of doing what I need to do, I seem to self sabotage myself. I seem to lose control on the weekends and eat like there is no tomorrow. There is no reason for it. I know it is an issue, so this weekend I set a goal. I'm not saying I'm not going to not have a treat. What I'm saying is that I am going to control myself and make sure I take the time for myself to move my body as well. I start here, I am going to do great this weekend....just watch and see.

Camp Seymore

So Spencer and I spent last week at 5th grade camp. I chaperoned 9 girls in a cabin by night and 15 for learning group. There were7 parents that went along with 3 teachers, a school nurse, and the Principal came for some of the time as well. It was a learning experiance and I am so glad I went.! I was able to learn some great things about nature along with watching the kids and how the interacted with each other. The weather was fantastic. It only rained a little the last day, so no wet cold children to worry about. Ive always known what a great kid Spencer is, but it was pretty cool to see him on his own turf and how many kids truly like him. The teachers were amazing and the Seymore Naturalists really kept the kids interested. It brought many of my 6th grade camp memories back.

The Climbing wall. Out of 15 kids, about 6 of them got to the top. Spencer was one of them. They all were incouraged to make a goal and decide how far they wanted to go. They all tried and did great!

There are three 5th grade classes this year. This is all of them, minus a couple who did not come.

I hope that they are still able to go when Audrey is in the 5th grade. She will have an amazing time!

California Fun

Katie and I went to LA for the weekend. She got schooled and I got tan.....sorta. I went on adventures of my own down to the beach and shopping. I relaxed by the pool and read a book and watched a movie. Best of all I got to spend alot of time with my best friend. I dont think I could have had a more relaxing weekend. Im really glad we got to spend some time together.

Stronger than I think!

Christopher Robin said to Pooh, "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
 I read this on another blog and loved it! I've had a lot of reflection time this weekend as I am in Los Angeles with my sister without hubby or the kids. My sister has continuing education and I get to read blogs, go to the beach and relax by the pool. Either swimming, or soaking up the sun without having to watch the kids in the pool. I love my family, but I have to say I needed this!
 That being said, I have been thinking about the next stage of my weight loss. I have been on a self induced plateau for several months now. My workouts have virtually stopped, my eating is not out of control, but not in control either. I have decided that I have let everyone and thing spiral out of control and am making the decision to take my life back.

 While I was training for my Half Marathon, my husband and I got into several "discussions" about my training. He felt at the time that I was taking too much time away for the family. So after the Half I decided to try to appease his concerns. Thing is I don't have time for everything. I tried to take the kids, but my workouts decreased to a slower pace to let a 5 year old who wants to use her own two feet to move. Or she is so tired at the end of the day that I drag her along to hear her cry the whole way. I also wake up at 5am to go to work in the morning, which means I would have to get up at 4am to get a workout in before work, at which time it is too dark to go outside and the gym does not open until 5. So I need to go in the afternoon. Hubby has since decided I was a nicer and mellower person when I worked out. So starting yesterday ( I walked about 6miles) I am retaking my time and moving more. I am not so pleased with my body right now. Since my workouts have decreased my body tone is flabbier (not that it was fantastic...it was better) .

Me last week at Circuit Assembly



Me in July at District
Convention

Check out the comparison


















I'm thinking that the Circuit assembly one shows the lack of exercise. Or else it is the sweater cutting me in half...I don't know? So I'm thinking it is time to go read by the pool , so I'm going to stop now....but there is more to come. Sorry!

Busy Week

We celebrated our 15th Wedding Anniversary on Thursday. Shannon planned the whole evening and surprised me with dinner at Salty's in Alki. I had Dungenous Crab Macaroni and Cheese. So good! Then we went to Burn the Ground at the Paramount in Seattle. It was an awesome way to celebrate 15 years!

We had our Special Day assembly on Saturday. It was fantastic as usual. As times get more stressful, it is just as nice to know that you can leave all your cares at home and enjoy the friends, and family, and be built up at the same time.

Today Shannon and Spencer went 4x4 with some friends and Audrey and I spent the morning at the fair. Ava had a special singing program with her singing class and we all went to cheer her on. Who would have known we would end up on the stage with her singing and dancing. There was rain (a lot of it) and there was sun (gotta love Washington). There were rides, animals, food and best of all fun with family!

                                                                      I cant believe fall is here.

All better

 For all of you that worried over my last post I am here to say that life is a little better this week. Im drinking wine now and I have decided to let everyone figure out their own life and not worry about the outcome. (I dont really remember anyone really inviting me in on all the fun. It just kind of happened and stayed that way.)  So I move forward and set some new goals.
 I was supposed to run the Bank to Bay today and sadly did not. I did not train and I am still having pain in my right heel. Im thinking I tore something the last time I rolled my ankle  and it is not healing, but I have decided it has held me up too long so I am going to push through the discomfort. The rain has started in the Pacific NW. However it is still pretty warm. So here are my plans. My big announcement is this.... I am going to do a Triathlon in 2011. A friend of mine wants to as well so September of next year I am going to go for it. I am really looking forward to the swimming part of it. In June I will be doing the Sound to Narrows 12k. This winter with all the rain and cold I will be doing most of my training at the gym. My beannie and I will probably make it outside as well. I am also going to start my swimming training at the gym. 18 laps is equal to .5 miles. I will have the details of the Triathlon as soon as I can.
 My Brother and his family ran a 5k today! I am amazingly proud of my nieces and nephew. Great job Emma(8), Sophie (her first 5k at the age of 6) and Bubba!

Well....

 That didn't work. Yup, I did not post every week. Bummer! The plan was so well thought out. The time I have to post is limited. I even had the last 6 days off and still did not post. What to say..... probably that is why. I didn't have anything to say. You ever get to the point that talking feels like you are banging your head against a brick wall? I feel like that right now. I just don't feel that what I have to say is worth saying. I know sad day right? No not really...I'm just thinking that a lot of people in my life do a lot of talking  and I am a better listener than I am a verbalizer ( yup, this is my special word..spellchecker did not like.). I have a few people who I talk to, most of the time I love to listen. I love to hear what people are not saying. The eyebrows up the body language, it is all so interesting. What I have learned is that I do not want to be with people who love the drama! I am so unbelievably tired of the drama.... so I am going into peaceful mode and read my book....do my workout and enjoy the people in my life that make me smile and that I can make smile. And everyone else can live in drama mode.
(So much better that I type this out than to verbalize this to the people I have issues with...less drama :)

5th Grader/Kindergartner

My son is a 5th grader today. Wow! Next year will be middle school, so we are taking this year in stride! He has grown so much this summer, I am excited to see him grow even more....and a little sad to. He isn't a little boy any more....

Today was a big day for Audrey. She is a big Kindergartner. All day every day, She was so excited. She woke up this morning gave me my snuggle and said " Today is my first day of school mommy! I am so excited!" She did ask me to stand next to her for a while longer..." All these kids are making me nervous" I love this little girl!

She has grown this summer as well!

School Party

We had company this weekend. Audrey had Ella spend the night and Spencer had Lucas spend the night. We had a mini back to school party. Lucas really likes to skateboard so I pulled out my old board and Spence gave it a try. Looks like it is a permanent activity at our house. Audrey and Ella are both starting school this Thursday so we did a little peeking through the windows into the classrooms and played the day away. The kids played games and opened presents (thanks Auntie) and finally went to bed about 10:30 went to sleep who knows. We had a great time!

Mid week

Ok just checking in to stay focused. I was talking to a friend earlier in the week who is also doing WW and she had some great ideas as well. She is amazing at tracking. The truth is I track very well Monday through Friday, so I am going to add to my goal this week and track  on my weekend as well.
 As for my other goals they are doing good. I went to the gym and worked out with a friend. Last night I took the kids on a bike ride to the library and back. My kids love to ride! I added extra weight with the backpack and all the books. The eating dinner at the table together has not happened. Shannon was home yesterday so he made them a late lunch. And on Monday I went to the gym and came home and fed them dinner. I did not eat as it was after 7. I should have sat at the table. We are going to a friends house for dinner tonight so we will for sure :).
 So about my americanos....I made a mocha on Monday and went to Starbucks on my way to work and Bought an americano(Ive never really made one yet) It was was ok. Refreshing...but kind of boring. I made my mocha and drank that too. After drinking the americano it was kind of ....thick. Not so tasty. So yesterday still being nervous to make an americano I made a latte instead. That was yummy! Guess I definatly do not need the chocolate. I know I am being stubborn about this, so right now I am going to put on my makeup...buck up and try something different. (I know pretty crazy right )

A shout out to my nieces both starting back at school today. Have a fun day!

And to my nephew who gets some quiet time with his mom! Have fun!

Week by Week

So here is my plan of attack. Im thinking I know what my long term goals are. I want to be healthy and 40 (yes still way far away). I want to be at a normal BMI which will put my weight at 135-140. I want to achieve lifetime at WW, and most of all I want to make decisions on a regular daily basis that not only put me at my goal.....but keep me there. I have always believed that this is a lifestyle for me. This is my life now....if I say I need to get to 135 and then Im done...I would be making a terrible mistake. There is no end in site for me. Soundpathetic??? Im ok with that. I know me and if I say at 135 Im done I will eat until Im back at a very unhealthy weight. I know it is not all about the scale. The absolute end goal is to be healthy so I can live a long life free of medication and heartache for me and my children. I dont want my children to have to ever have to do this kind of journey.
 The reason for this post is that I think I need to set up smaller weekly goals to achieve my big ones. When I first started losing weight I could take things day by day. Now small mistakes lead to no success. So I am going to try to post weekly....even maybe daily so I can figure out what is going on in my head. My goals for this week consist of  working out today, Monday and Wednesday Strength training. Cardio on all days except for Thursday. I want to eat dinner with my family at the table Monday - Thursday, which will involve planning meals so that I can eat, clean up and get to the gym before I need to come home and put them to bed. I also plan on achieving 5 servings of vegetables and fruits a day all week. ( I have been averaging 4 a day so one more should not be out of reach.) If anyone has ideas to get that serving in I would love to hear. I am going to try something that might kill me as well.........ready......Im going to cut my mochas into Americanos. Mochas are 4pts a day americanos are 1. If you know me well you know this might be the biggest sacrifice I have made thus far. A girl in the Pacific NW cutting back on coffee is unthinkable. :0 Ok...I know drama. Here is the thing, I have my own espresso machine and make a pretty good mocha...so this will be hard for me. I have never made and americano...so we will see how things go. I think ultimately this will help me stay within my points target a little better.
 My reward this week will be a movie on my own. I have not left the family for quiet time in a while so maybe I will sneak away for a couple hours of quiet. We have to prepare for school as well so it will be a busy week. But I plan on referring to this post when I get a little off track. I will check in with my progress as well so that I can have a little better accountability to myself.

August

Along with everday life we have had some family time. (Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad) Some zoo time. ( Baby Tigers are out and playing) and Slip and Slide at the Willer House! We have had a couple busy weeks. Not a whole lot going on right now except for School shopping...work...play....zoo....movies....yard work......... you know how it goes! :)

Too long

 Yup, It has been a while. I have let life suck me in and spit me out again. Why? Because sometimes it is a necessity...sometimes it is unavoidable....sometimes life just gets stupid.
 Well Im back and I have been thinking about my last post and the goals that I set. Beth, you are right I am not very pointed about my goals and how to get there. I have been thinking a lot about my future and what I want...what kind of energy I want to put into life, others, family and myself. I give freely to most people. I want everyone to get along and be happy. Im not the drama type. However, what happens when you give too much? What happens when you focus on everyone else but yourself? You get lost. Im not lost yet....but I could see myself getting there. So I am going to take a few and work on me.
 I dont think I know how to state my goals out in the open. I have them...I state them...but they aren't ???? They don't get me where I need to go. So I am going to try again. My one goal that I have been working on all year is putting myself out there. I am proud of the results. I have new friends and have let people see different parts of who I am. I have allowed people into my life. I dont usually let people in. It feels good. I am a happier person. It has not been easy but has been worthwhile. And even better I have found friends that have goals similar to myself. I have support and encouragement from different sources. I have friends that I can support through their own journey. I am having fun losing weight again.
 I have lost the majority of my weight by myself. I have a lot of support, but that support has ended when it is time to exercise or if mexican has been craved by all. It has been long and has been a lot of hard work. I am proud of what I have done. I think I will be proud of what I finish. I have learned that support comes in many ways. It comes from family living hundreds of miles away, It comes from family living down the street, It comes from a friend texting to see how I am doing, to a husband who reminds me on a daily basis how beautiful I am. My children, workmates and clothing remind me on a daily basis how far I have come.
 I think that I am going to have to rely on all this help and more to get the remaining 40lbs off.
 My body seems stuck....ok, not my body but my brain. Do I have it in me to do the work that it is going to take to go the remaining distance. Do I have the strength to push through the pain and discomfort to get to my goal and stay there. What do I hope to accomplish? Am I worth the work?
My goal is to lose 45lbs more. To have a normal BMI and to be strong mentally, physically and emotionally. I will not only lose the weight but maintain my weight loss with healthy habits and by allowing myself to enjoy my life. How will I get there?
 I will use the strength I have found in myself to push myself harder. I will remember my achievements and focus more on them than my failures. I will love freely and give of myself to others. I will continue celebrate the small accomplishments along with the big.  And most of all I will not let future work cause me to slow down, I will not fear the future.
( I will get down to the nitty gritty on my goals next post. I have some thoughts but this has already gotten long winded. One of my goals is to post more often. My blog might be changing soon. I have reached 60lbs by work and determination, I will reach the next 40 with the same and a little bit more....)

My Grandpa

I will always remember the love of my Grandpa. He will be missed. I wish at times like these I wish I could really write. I wish I could put in writing the love I feel for this man. . I am grateful that I was able to say goodbye. I will miss his strength, his arms crossed across his chest, his smile and most of all his love.
My Grandpa passed away today,,, I will remember most the gleem in his eyes, the space on his lap, and the love in his eyes.