At my heaviest I look back now and realize that I was living in a fog. I wish I could describe it better, but when your in it you dont see life. You exist in it but you dont live it. Within the last year, Ive felt that fog coming back in. The fog is when you sit on the couch and say its too cold outside to go for a walk. Its when it seems like a lot of work to walk Audrey to school and so I drive. Its when I have no kids on a Friday and on the way to the gym, the car veers to Safeway and the exercise I get that day is walking to the back of the store to get a doughnut ....ok so it was two. I'm tired of complaining and not doing the work. I'm thinking your tired of turning to this blog and wondering if there is an update.
So I was trying to play catch up. I was thinking I just need to start up again. The truth is I need to start over. I need a new beginning. I haven't gone back to where I am. I have however made a good start of it. I wish I lived where the sun shinned constantly. I wish I loved and exercise that I would do on a daily basis. That I would reach a goal and beat it the next. I haven't yet. I have set goals in the past. Physical, mental, social. This is my next goal. Find something that I love to do. Rain(because I live in Washington) or shine. I'm going to try new things and push things that maybe I don't love. It is time for no excuses. Spring is here (ok...every where else but here, we've had snow multiple times since the first day of spring) Summer will be here shortly. I need a physical, I cancelled due to not wanting to go in heavier than I was 2 years ago. I need to push myself to new levels. I need to feel good about me. I need to look good this summer and know that I have done all I can every day.
This is my new start. Yes, two years ago I lost 64lbs. This year I want to loose 40. I want to run with my kids. I want to walk my daughter to school and it not feel like a chore. I want to sweat(I have been doing that, at the gym) I want to not eat 2meals in the evening. I will be finally be in control of my sugar addiction. I will be blogging more, Sometimes to brag, sometimes to cry and sometimes to just work stuff out. If you get tired of reading I understand, but this is what I need right now. So I will be using this forum to make choices and decisions that will push me along my way out of the fog.
