On Track

Hey, Im still here. I have lots of posts in my head, yet havn't really taken the time to sit and type. All is moving ahead. The scale is still deciding what to do, however my clothing is starting to feel a little better!( I had come close to deciding that nudist colonies might be an option as I was not going a size up in clothing. Then I took a moment and realized that that would be very embarrasing as well, so losing was the best option.) So here I am reevaluating if I really know how to eat anymore and if I am really pushing myself how I need to push. So my thought process is still in, however the people who bother me the most are the ones who think so much about the process and forget to do the work.
  I am off to work for the morning, I have my workout clothes packed and my apple in my purse. I will say that I am about 5 days into less sugar. I did some research on what suger does to the body and it scared me a bit. So everyday is a fight not to go buy chocolate and everyday I drink my coffee for distraction and hope soon I will get past these cravings!

Some thoughts

First of all I thought I would start with a good picture of me. Katie took it and I really like it! It reminds me how far I have come.

I told myself blogging would help last time and that I would do it more often. I'm back again with some thoughts about how I feel. Have you ever moved a piece of large furniture and it gets stuck. Either on the carpet or against a wall, you push, you pull, you get down on your knees and push and pull and lift and turn and then proceed to kick the thing because it just makes you mad! (ok, I may have other issues to work out, ask anyone...I am a kicker. ) Well I feel like that piece of furniture. The scale is not moving, it is not budging. I need to remember that I got myself stuck. That I pushed myself into the corner, but that is not a solution. When a piece of furniture gets stuck I can walk away. Unfortunately, I spent the last year doing just that and well I wedged myself even further. I tell myself that it took time to get here, my body needs to readjust to the new routine.... Then I peek at another angle and see there are still bad habits Im not improving on. Vegetables, sugar, exercise intensity, strength training....
So here is where I realize I can continue my pity party, or I can kick my butt and look from one more angle. Tweek the routine a little more until I budge. Here is what I did this week. I started running again. Yes it was raining at the time, but I didn't melt. :) I got in 5 cardio workouts last week. Im up to 1 this week, so I need to kick it up a notch there. I am having sugar issues again. I think I freaked out about all my snacks and now I am paying for having nothing, so Im gonna change that up, and as of today, I am back to no eating after 7pm. I dont really know when that changed....but it was a great habit when I followed it. I also know there are some head changes I need to make, but I am late for work so I will save that for another time.

Pumpkin Patch

Yup, It was that time of the year! The time of year when we smash pumpkins, do the corn maze and eat caramel apples. Audrey joined in on the pumpkin flinging this year. Ava love to watch, but really didn't see how it was logical. :) The maze only took 2 and a half hours. Dad helped a few stragglers along the way. (First time in a while....he lost his way, it was a tough one.)  Here are a few shots from the day.

Crutch is gone....

...and I feel like I am falling. Yes, because of financial and reality I have let go of WW. I kind of think I was using it as a crutch, because now I am feeling a little out of control. So what to do? Another let down is that I will not be doing the run on Saturday. I haven't trained. I wish there was more to say about that, but there is not.
So here I am updating my blog and seeing things in black and white and realizing that I am falling. I have been working out at the gym. Riding the bike and walking with the kids. I have been lazy and falling into bad habits again. So I'm updating my blog(ok, my sister-in-laws comment got me motivated as well) I think this is not the update that is gonna make me happy or what others expect. I think I need to do this more often again, because I'm feeling a little pathetic right now. I lost my way a little. I got stuck at a certain weight and then that became my focus. I was bothered that slowing down a little enabled me to gain and now I'm bothered that stopping has caused me to gain more. WOW! What a baby!
 Each day I heard myself say "tomorrow I'll start running" and then tomorrow had a problem... Again WOW! seeing this go down, now , like this.....
 WW is not the issue. My head is the issue. I know what to eat, I know what to put in my mouth. I know how to exercise and how to push myself to the next level. I let life get in the way. I stopped putting myself first. I stopped putting myself out there, I stopped testing how far I could go. I have 2 classes at the gym I have been looking at and I got scared. I didn't even try.
 So here I am blogging, getting my head back into the game, in fall no less. It will not be easy. You will see something different. Probably more ramblings as I work some of this out. I might do a food journal here or add Spark people to the mass. Weekly wii weigh ins.( right now that does not sound pleasant) I need somewhere to talk. To put my feelings on all this. I was afraid to do this for a while. Well, this is where I need to start...again...before I fall further and don't get up. Any suggestions? Any comments please let me know! I am totally up for fresh ideas!