Stubborn

Those who know me well, know that my worst quality is stubbornness. I believe it is my best and worst quality. It is my best when I refuse to fail. My best when I keep pushing at something even though I was told it would never happen...that I could not accomplish something. Tonight stubbornicity (my special name) is not a good thing. My dear husband pointed some things out to me tonight and well my first reaction  was not pleasant. To be honest I am writing this to sort out my feelings because I still want to kick him....hard! The thing is that he was right about a lot of things. The problem is not that he was right, but that if I make the changes he pointedly said I need to make I know that I will improve, the thing is I don't want him to think that I made said changes because of this conversation. I was on the verge of figuring this out on my own..... I don't want to make the changes because of him. I feel like this is a huge emotional ball of yuk that I need to smash and it bothers me that he is making me deal with it. UGH!
 I so don't want to keep going with this but I'm going to figure it out if it kills me....or him! He pointed out that I am at square one with this. I have maintained the WW and the gym membership as a front. As a protection... truth is he is right. Im having a difficult time imagining myself past this point. Im thinking that the work I have put into this is good, but how am I going to keep it up. Is it realistic to believe that a size 8 or 10 is in my future. I am at my smallest, if I lose more can I maintain it? Do I deserve it? Am I being a stubborn little brat and saying that I want my cake and want to eat the frosting too?
 Shannon thinks that I am being stubborn, that Im getting in my own way. He is right. Im at a loss. I am at square one. I have 40lbs to go....still. My sis in law said something once ( she says a lot of cool things more often than once) Stop Looking for inspiration and be Inspirational! I need to get past this next hurdle. I need to let myself enjoy this, to embrace my new body, my new self and embrace my stubbornness to be inspirational. Every journey has hurdles, hills and mountains. I am climbing a mountain, I can either turn around and give up, stay put...and give up. Or press through this next wall and show myself that stubbornness can be a great thing!