Sweaty Days

...are here again! Remember the good old days were I talked about my success instead of my hangups. Well I'm back! I have had a really bummer of a year.... but enough of that. I went to the gym again last night and walked out a sweaty mess. It felt so good.  Yup I love to stink :). I  don't know why it is so easy to forget how good it feels to have sweat roll down your back. I love the emotional high after. Knowing that I did something that I had absolute control over.... that is the best part. I do all I can do. Nobody decides that for me. So I have decided to post where I am now and be proud of that....also to show myself what I can accomplish in the next few months. I want these clothes to be to big on me, and I will have a posture that I can be proud of again!

Tea Time

I think I have mentioned before that Kindergarten is kicking Audrey's behind. By Wednesday night she is grumpy, By Thursday a mess, by Friday wasted. This last Friday was no exception. She has a molar coming in as well to top things off and so I decided to keep her home with me. What that meant today was Tea Time (sorta) with Grandma and Ava. We were going to Tea, but got there only to find out reservations were supposed to have been made. The girls were so excited about tea, so we went to Barnes and Noble and had our own Tea Time. Grandma bought lunch and of course TREATS!

The Girls loved our modified Tea and still were able to go home and take a long nap (one of the conditions for Audrey to stay home from school.) After nap the kids packed it up and went to Ava's house for the weekend. Spencer had gift buying at school this week. He used his own money and got me this.....

Yup the writing is all his own. Shannon got one that says World's Best Papa! ( We have since learned that these have to be washed very carefully.) He also got gifts for the girls which lead to this.

As I watch my children grow, I am consistently proud of the way they think of others and always look out for each other!
The kids went to Ava's house for the weekend. Shannon and I went out on a date and had a wonderful weekend! Thank you Jim and Katie!

Princess Potty Weekend!

We had an awesome Cousin weekend. Ava got to hang out with us...yup for the whole weekend. While she was here we got rid of the diapers. We also had lunch with Audrey at school on Friday, played games, colored, danced watched movies(All of this on Friday.)
On Saturday we hosted coffee break for our service group, played games colored, danced played went to Luca's house to play and do a gingerbread house.
On Sunday Spencer and Audrey went to Eatonville to hang out with Grandpa Bob and family. So Ava had breakfast at Carrs with Shannon and I. We came home and Shannon went to work at a local Kingdom Hall being built. While Ava and I watched movies and had great success without diapers.
I saw lots of smiles, got tons of hugs and snuggles, Heard lots of "I did it Tia Mo, I tinkled on the potty" I really enjoyed this special time with my niece!

Stubborn

Those who know me well, know that my worst quality is stubbornness. I believe it is my best and worst quality. It is my best when I refuse to fail. My best when I keep pushing at something even though I was told it would never happen...that I could not accomplish something. Tonight stubbornicity (my special name) is not a good thing. My dear husband pointed some things out to me tonight and well my first reaction  was not pleasant. To be honest I am writing this to sort out my feelings because I still want to kick him....hard! The thing is that he was right about a lot of things. The problem is not that he was right, but that if I make the changes he pointedly said I need to make I know that I will improve, the thing is I don't want him to think that I made said changes because of this conversation. I was on the verge of figuring this out on my own..... I don't want to make the changes because of him. I feel like this is a huge emotional ball of yuk that I need to smash and it bothers me that he is making me deal with it. UGH!
 I so don't want to keep going with this but I'm going to figure it out if it kills me....or him! He pointed out that I am at square one with this. I have maintained the WW and the gym membership as a front. As a protection... truth is he is right. Im having a difficult time imagining myself past this point. Im thinking that the work I have put into this is good, but how am I going to keep it up. Is it realistic to believe that a size 8 or 10 is in my future. I am at my smallest, if I lose more can I maintain it? Do I deserve it? Am I being a stubborn little brat and saying that I want my cake and want to eat the frosting too?
 Shannon thinks that I am being stubborn, that Im getting in my own way. He is right. Im at a loss. I am at square one. I have 40lbs to go....still. My sis in law said something once ( she says a lot of cool things more often than once) Stop Looking for inspiration and be Inspirational! I need to get past this next hurdle. I need to let myself enjoy this, to embrace my new body, my new self and embrace my stubbornness to be inspirational. Every journey has hurdles, hills and mountains. I am climbing a mountain, I can either turn around and give up, stay put...and give up. Or press through this next wall and show myself that stubbornness can be a great thing!

Home day

Audrey stayed home from school today. She had her 6year old check up (Yup she is 6 now) and is in the 75th percentile for height and weight. She was a brave little girl for her flu shot. Not one tear today. We went to Target with Grandma for a couple things and Ava ended up with this.

She was so excited "I'm a princess" This along with the princess underwear she feels gorgeous! Audrey and Ava are having a blast today. It has been a while since they got to play the whole day away. I just mentioned nap... Audrey now wants to go to school. Oh well as school is kicking her behind she will do just fine with nap.

4x4 Saturday

We went for a drive on Saturday. To this remote cabin in the woods that Shannon found with some friends on Fair weekend. The snow had started up there and we found some new adventures along the way.

Needless to say Shannon was quite content at the end of the day. The family had fun together and the Durango made it home in one piece. It was a good day!

This year

This year has pretty much kept me in "survival mode". I haven't thrived this year. Ive maintained, lost a little weight, but for the most part maintained. No I'm not done. Ive got a ways to go. How do I get out of this mode and into Thrive mode? How do I stop looking for inspiration and be inspirational? The truth is that Ive gotten a little bit whiny a little bit back into the habit of letting life control what I do and how I cope. I know I will be happy when this year is over, however it has taught me that I am not through yet. If life still derails me I'm not in the place I want to be. I feel like Ive made a lot of excuses each week when I weigh in. ..... Its my period week,....it was stressful at work.....my family is killing me. The truth is that if I was healthy and secure as I should be, I should be using all those excuses to fuel my fire. Instead Ive gone into survival mode.
 Now is the time to thrive. Take all the bad and turn it into something I can handle. Turn it into fuel and burn it off at the gym. I'm not going to let myself get lost again. I did that before and hid in an extra 100lbs of yuck. So this year is not over....I am back and I'm going to thrive for the rest of 2010!