Crap..... :(

Its my own doing. You think 10lbs doesn't make a huge difference, you convince yourself that you look just fine. Ya your clothes might feel a little uncomfortable and yup you know that you have slacked and maybe you should kick your peaches....but then I looked at some pictures from last year and I discovered denial sucks. (My new camera had a date change, which forced me to go back and retrieve some pictures.) I know there are worse things than my face. Ive noticed changes in my body and especially my belly, but this picture was definitely noticeable. The top one knocked me upside the head, said " Hey stupid!" You felt better 10lbs ago....get with the program. Suck it up and drop the habits that are stopping change.  I really don't like what has happened here and I'm glad I went back and looked. Ive started looking at the scale as well and it is going down finally. I have gotten stuck on the bike( I tore up my back, and it is healing) so I need to break the habit and get on the treadmill a little and the elliptical. My boss bought me a Kindle Fire so I love reading on the bike. I'm up to a straight 4 with a slight resistance to 5 on the bike. I don't want to get stuck so I'm going to change it up again tomorrow. I did not go to gym as scheduled today(it was closed), however we did get some time out in the snow.  Normally I would say our snow is not much of a workout....we have 9 inches...pretty cool!

 Anyhow I guess another reality check is in order! And Beth, I am looking at the Spartan....or some other run in June.

Not this year

Each year in January I try to do a slide show. I get sentimental about what I have done, where I have come from and the work that I am proud of. 2011 was a difficult year for me. I didn't really care about much and because of that I dont have very many pictures of me and no progress to show. I love my family and love what we are doing here, however I just realized that the last time I really took a lot of pictures was in October. :(
 Im not a fan of New Year resolutions. Im not really sure what a date does for people. Maybe they view it as a fresh start...whatever works for them. I do know that a year can make or break you, and while Im not broken, I did forget some of the fundamentals. Taking care of me, makes me more available to others. Taking time for me, frees up more time for others. And feeling good about myself, feeling proud of who I am allows me to open myself up to help and friendship.
 Im sure at some point this year Ill do a slide show. Hopefully it wont be about weight loss...it will be about living!

Right now....

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. I enjoy seeing what others do. How they blog there motivation and if what they are doing works. I stumbled across this one a few weeks ago and really enjoyed this comment: 
    "Until YOU realize the importance of YOUR own health and well-being, no one else can force YOU to care. Until YOU realize that how YOU treat YOUR body (food, exercise, care, kindness and forgiveness) is a practice of love and a statement to the world about how YOU feel about YOUR own value, YOU will continue to see diet and exercise as a cycle of deprivation or guilt followed by punishment. YOU will feel any sense of self-worth to be misguided, selfish, or entirely absent.
The Epiphany is that it is not about deprivation, guilt, or punishment. The Epiphany is a deep and abiding sense of self worth, of value, of presence. The Epiphany is the sonic boom or the quiet whisper simply of "I matter." The Epiphany can be broken down into various "I matter" phrases -- such as "my feelings matter" or "my health matters." When your heart/mind/soul beings to stick up for yourself, it is only natural that your body does as well, as they are all interrelated"
(I go through life through inches and pounds)
 I have always felt this way about weight loss. It is what motivated me from the start. I really think it is a good reminder about what I'm doing and which direction I need to head. I think to focus on how I got distracted or why I stopped trying is for another day. Today is where I start, right now is where I decide what I need to do to get back on track. I could wait till January, I could say next year is where I start...but I don't want to wast the rest of this year the rest of right now. So here are some things I have done this week.
 Tabata Protocol: I did start this week. I started on the bike on level 10 for warm up. Level 15 for 5 rotations and then level 10 for cool down. Starting heart rate was 125, highest was 175. The cardio machines are upstairs at the gym. Waling down the stairs after the protocol was kind of scary! ...so glad there was a handrail. :) Ill have to do my measurements tomorrow so I can monitor.
 Daily workout: I have started my resistance training back up as well. Arms, legs and abs all are pretty sore today. I need to do more research on why it takes a full 24hours for all my limbs to hurt after a good solid workout...why not right away?
 I'm going to do Tabata Protocol for two weeks. Then in the beginning of January I will be starting spinning class. Why January? ....honestly it is because I don't know a lot about it and when I went to try it a few weeks ago, I chickened out. So I thought there will be a lot of newbies at the gym and maybe I'll start with them. :) I get a little overwhelmed at the gym. So my goal for right now is to try everything and find out what I'm really good at. To not be afraid of trying new things and to push myself like Ive never pushed before!

Friendship

Life happens. You get busy, you spend time with your family, you go to work, play and go to bed. Somewhere in all that you realize that you need more. You need someone to talk to, someone who understands the women's point of view.
I have always had good friends. I am always amazed at how friends come and go and then come back again. I know that I have friends that I will always be able to call on for help, guidance and a good laugh. Some help with comfort, some with attitude and some with everyday well being.
 Why this post? A couple of weekends ago I spent time with a couple of my closest friends. It dawned on me on what weight loss has done for me in more aspects than physical appearance and health. At my heaviest I always felt that I wasn't good enough for people. I felt uncomfortable, worthless in any conversation. That has changed now. Not because of my appearance, but because of the ability to open up. To put myself out there. To realize others are looking for someone to be close to as well. These friends of mine know a lot about me. They each are special in their own way. I have come to the conclusion that all good things take work. Friendships in the past have drifted not because I did something wrong, but because life happens. Life gets in the way. Work, kids, building a life with my husband, all are important primary parts of my life. My husband's friendship is what keeps me going through everyday life. He is what I come home to when life is just to unbearable. He is strong and dependable. and male.
 Friendship is something that I have always felt was important. I'm not the type to have a huge circle. I enjoy having a few special people close. A few that I can give all that I am able . Each person has something that I cherish and depend on. I am truly honored to call each one friend.

Check in

 I logged 36miles last week. A little less than planned, however I accomplished my workouts for last week. I learned that I can go to gym on my way home and still be home in plenty of time for meeting. So I have no excuse for Thursdays now. This week will be the same 5 cardio workouts along with 4 20min circuit workouts after cardio.I had a few times this week I really had to fight for it, but I won out, so Im happy.
 I had a different post planned, but haven't had time for it. I didn't want you all to think I was slacking so I want to throw this one out. I wrote the first part on Monday. So far this week I am up to 24 miles biking and running. I have done multiple arms and need to start on legs this week. I really need to find some workouts to do at the gym. Im kind of feeling overwhelmed a little.

Reality

So again, when I think I'm being realistic, I realize that I want so much and achieve very little. The 500 miles isn't going to be completed this year. So my goal for this week is 5 solid workouts at the gym. I don't have as much time in the evenings this week as we have Circuit Overseer visit. My solid workouts will include at a minimum 11 miles on the bike, or 4 miles on elliptical, along with 20 minutes of strength training 3 days this week.
 I do have another milestone goal to accomplish as well. As of December 1, I am insured! Yeah! I have worked at the same office for 15 years with no insurance offered. I have had it through my husband, but not for about 2 years. So I am making a physical appt for February and will be lower than my lowest. So that means 15lbs need to be gone. I am not loving my decisions lately. I am not please with my focus. And I am definitely tired of my whining and complaining  and my lack of completion on anything!
 So this month (December), this week, this day, I work on feeling proud of me. I work on caring again!

Slow Start

So I really need to get going here. My goals have been a tad bit on hold. For reason after reason, excuse after excuse, I have taken my time getting motivated. I could say that work has been miserable. I could say that I don't have time, or its been too cold.Truthfully, I have been still totally unmotivated. Ive been thinking a lot about things that need to change. Adjustments that I have made for the good and adjustments I have let slide. I have totally stopped taking care of me. My family loves their mommy/wife time. I cant say that I dislike it either. What I need to do is balance things out again. Take time for me. This last week when I got to the gym, I had my clothes in the car and stopped on my way home. I need to do that more. Im going to be working a few more hours this week, so this week I am going to push myself to go to gym first, so I don't go home first. Once Im home, Im not leaving. The cold has hit and Im bribing myself with the sauna. I get my miles and I get to heat up in the sauna for a few.

I also need to have a charged phone at the gym for my mileage pictures, I do have a day included in my mileage without a photo. 14.2 on level 3/5. . Spencer and I went on a bike ride yesterday. Ignore the time on it. I got home and forgot to turn it off. The mileage is actual though. On the top picture I went another .2 miles after the timer stopped to get a straight 14.