Stubborn

Those who know me well, know that my worst quality is stubbornness. I believe it is my best and worst quality. It is my best when I refuse to fail. My best when I keep pushing at something even though I was told it would never happen...that I could not accomplish something. Tonight stubbornicity (my special name) is not a good thing. My dear husband pointed some things out to me tonight and well my first reaction  was not pleasant. To be honest I am writing this to sort out my feelings because I still want to kick him....hard! The thing is that he was right about a lot of things. The problem is not that he was right, but that if I make the changes he pointedly said I need to make I know that I will improve, the thing is I don't want him to think that I made said changes because of this conversation. I was on the verge of figuring this out on my own..... I don't want to make the changes because of him. I feel like this is a huge emotional ball of yuk that I need to smash and it bothers me that he is making me deal with it. UGH!
 I so don't want to keep going with this but I'm going to figure it out if it kills me....or him! He pointed out that I am at square one with this. I have maintained the WW and the gym membership as a front. As a protection... truth is he is right. Im having a difficult time imagining myself past this point. Im thinking that the work I have put into this is good, but how am I going to keep it up. Is it realistic to believe that a size 8 or 10 is in my future. I am at my smallest, if I lose more can I maintain it? Do I deserve it? Am I being a stubborn little brat and saying that I want my cake and want to eat the frosting too?
 Shannon thinks that I am being stubborn, that Im getting in my own way. He is right. Im at a loss. I am at square one. I have 40lbs to go....still. My sis in law said something once ( she says a lot of cool things more often than once) Stop Looking for inspiration and be Inspirational! I need to get past this next hurdle. I need to let myself enjoy this, to embrace my new body, my new self and embrace my stubbornness to be inspirational. Every journey has hurdles, hills and mountains. I am climbing a mountain, I can either turn around and give up, stay put...and give up. Or press through this next wall and show myself that stubbornness can be a great thing!

Home day

Audrey stayed home from school today. She had her 6year old check up (Yup she is 6 now) and is in the 75th percentile for height and weight. She was a brave little girl for her flu shot. Not one tear today. We went to Target with Grandma for a couple things and Ava ended up with this.

She was so excited "I'm a princess" This along with the princess underwear she feels gorgeous! Audrey and Ava are having a blast today. It has been a while since they got to play the whole day away. I just mentioned nap... Audrey now wants to go to school. Oh well as school is kicking her behind she will do just fine with nap.

4x4 Saturday

We went for a drive on Saturday. To this remote cabin in the woods that Shannon found with some friends on Fair weekend. The snow had started up there and we found some new adventures along the way.

Needless to say Shannon was quite content at the end of the day. The family had fun together and the Durango made it home in one piece. It was a good day!

This year

This year has pretty much kept me in "survival mode". I haven't thrived this year. Ive maintained, lost a little weight, but for the most part maintained. No I'm not done. Ive got a ways to go. How do I get out of this mode and into Thrive mode? How do I stop looking for inspiration and be inspirational? The truth is that Ive gotten a little bit whiny a little bit back into the habit of letting life control what I do and how I cope. I know I will be happy when this year is over, however it has taught me that I am not through yet. If life still derails me I'm not in the place I want to be. I feel like Ive made a lot of excuses each week when I weigh in. ..... Its my period week,....it was stressful at work.....my family is killing me. The truth is that if I was healthy and secure as I should be, I should be using all those excuses to fuel my fire. Instead Ive gone into survival mode.
 Now is the time to thrive. Take all the bad and turn it into something I can handle. Turn it into fuel and burn it off at the gym. I'm not going to let myself get lost again. I did that before and hid in an extra 100lbs of yuck. So this year is not over....I am back and I'm going to thrive for the rest of 2010!

Wii Compitition

 So my husband and I have a little friendly competition happening. We are stepping on the wii to see who can lose 10lbs the quickest. Between you and me .... he will probably win. But it will give me a little support over the next few weeks until he gets there. :) He has started riding again. I'm going to get started on my swimming training on Friday. It may be all I do for a while, swimming and strength training and walking. I'm still having heel pain and am procrastinating seeing the Doctor. I keep thinking that if I stay off the foot maybe it will heel on its own. I'm giving myself 2 more weeks and then I will make an appointment with the dreamy foot Doctor.(He reminds me of James Bond...so nice to look at.) I had foot problems a few years back and he made me orthotics. As I lost weight and worked out more I stopped wearing them (my foot problem was better as well) but I did some research online and have diagnosed myself  with Achilles tendinitis. It said that some Docs will have you in orthotics to help. I have been wearing all week and so far I see a little improvement. I'm really nervous of foot issues as they run in my family. 
 Anyhow it would be really awesome to kick his butt in this. He tends to get bored and lose focus so it could work in my favor. (Can you tell he never reads this so I can write all I want moowaah ha ha)

Here we go......Maybe at the end he might smile??? :)

Weekend Overview

Im ok with the way this weekend happened. I made pretty good choices. I have some serious work ahead of me. Im trying to locate my hangups and fix them. Saturday went really well. We did go out to eat but I ordered a Hummus plate.....soooo good. Lots of veggies and some flatbread. We did stop at Trader Joes...that was my downfall. Chocolate caramels and a little bit of Brie. I still did good on Saturday. Sunday however was a different story. I let a few things get to me and finished the Brie for lunch....and had a Java Twix (amazing, by the way) that night for dinner. Not such a great day, but I learned some things. Yes sugar is my crutch. I love it, crave it and really need to put it in its place. I also learned that stress is an emotion that triggers stupid eating. Ok .... I already knew that. But I learned that I have control over how I deal with these things. So next time I will handle differently.
 The week is usually set for me. I have a water routine and food routine. My exercise routine has not been working as planned so Im going to tweek it a little. More on that later.

Pumpkin patch

We went to the pumpkin patch today. The one we usually go to was packed out as the weather was beautiful. We tried out a couple different ones. Spencer is at a friends this weekend so it was just the three of us and Jim Katie and Ava. Here are a few shots from today.

Not sure who's feet these are? Auntie and Audrey have the same taste in boots.(Just so happens Auntie can still fit the kids boots.)