Still Losing

Since this shot I have lost 20lbs

 

Kind of liked my shadow....the sun was at right angle. :)

 

The reason for my current weight loss is not because of gym or eating right. It is because of stress. Most of the people who read this know what I am going through right now. I dont have a lot of visitors here so it is a little easier to discuss. I have decided that it is time to come out of my box and share my progress again. So as the next few weeks progress and I start firming up at the gym I will share more. Since the end of July I have lost almost 35lbs I am a solid size 14 almost 12. I am 25lbs from my goal weight. My end game is now to firm up and exercise so that I can keep it off. I am eating again and unfortunately have gotten into some bad habits. Lots of comfort food is what I could choke down once a day. I am sure now, that I need to go back to the healthy stuff. Hopefully things will improve from here! I will be back more often!

District Convention

Well its that time again. New dress, new attitude. :) I  am not pleased with where I am at. Big legs and arms now. However that being said, I am happier than I would have been 15 lbs ago. Yes I am another 5.2lbs down in the last 2weeks. I have not been eating a whole lot, but things are on the mend. So now that the weight is coming off and the stress is calming a tiny bit, I have got to increase the physical activity as well. I have learned that food wont fix things. Now I need to remember that activity can. Running, walking, and biking are my focus for a while. I have a friend in my congregation who is a personal trainer. She is setting up some workouts for me to do at home so I can get started on a routine. I keep saying that I'm going to do something and then get caught up in whats going on with me or around me. I wait for something that isn't going to happen. I did this on my own before. I need to do it on my own again. I have support from family and friends...but ultimately the work is mine to do on my own.

District Convention 2012

Another year another great convention. We always look forward to this and then it seems to go by so fast. The talks this year were so comforting and made me realize that whatever you are going through at the time, Jehovah knows what you need. It also made me realize that drawing close to him will make things  more tolerable!

Spencer was an awesome note taker this year. He really focused on what the speakers were saying and was quite proud of himself for the lack of doodling. Audrey had a special notebook this year and while there was some doodling there was a lot of scriptures and notes as well.

As always we enjoyed some family time as well!

Lean on me

I hit the 10lb mark this weekend! Yay!!!!! I have another15 to hit my lowest but hey....whose counting. I have learned these last couple weeks that my body will tell me when I'm hungry and sometimes I can tell my body to shut up. :) My portion sizes have been next to nothing, I've been eating to survive. Yes Ive been a little stressed. What can you say, its going to happen. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and all you can do is catch it and throw it back. I believe, finally, that I threw it back yesterday......we will see...
 Normally I would call myself a stress eater. I eat when I'm out of control. Usually stress lasts for a couple days and  I might gain 3 to 4 lbs. This has been going on for a couple months now. Really intense for the past several weeks and when I reach for the candy or the burger or the chips, they taste like sawdust. I realize a couple bites in that it is not fixing the problem so I stop eating. I have been drinking a lot of diet soda, probably not the greatest filler. But oh well. I guess what I'm saying is that stress, this time was good for me. I have a new understanding with food. I have a new happy place. walking...or running.....or biking.
 Stress sucks. It sucks and I have generally avoided it at all costs. That couldn't happen this time. It was a way to close for comfort. I always thought I was the layed back sort of girl. The girl who would always be there for others, but when it comes to me, deal with it on my own. I have discovered that the reason we have friends is to build each other up. It is comforting to know that there are different levels of friendship, and sometimes when crap flies the ones that you have taken so long to build up will be there when you need them the most. I have learned that when you need help, people cant guess. You have to ask for it. It is important to be receptive to what your people are going through, because sometimes asking for help just is not in your vocabulary. I appreciate the friends I have even more this week than last. I am grateful for those who know me well enough to say, come on lets talk. I have always relied on family for that, and right now I have many champions in my corner and I know I have many more if and when I need them. Family who are near and far. My mother, who is not always the best at dealing with stress, has taken the ball and run with it this time, I don't usually turn to her for help. She has been my biggest champion. My sister who has tried to make me laugh, even though she doesn't know the situation, and my close friend who just sent me a text that said lets talk, I'm worried. All of this support got me through a tough one. I'm not all the way there yet, but I am gonna be. And it wasn't food that got me there....

King Tut Field Trip

Spencer and class went on an awesome field trip the second to last day of school The have been studying Ancient Egypt all year and got to visit the King Tut exhibit in Seattle. I was a chaperone. (I Cant wait for Audrey to go on more field trips, then maybe I'll get more girls) It was a beautiful day in Seattle. :) Surprise!..... The kids were great and I enjoyed seeing the exhibit for free. It was pretty cool!

So Spencer had to lift his head to see over the seats on the bus. He is not the shortest 6th grader....however he is definatly not the tallest. :)

Thoughts

Life has been crazy around here. Im thinking it is not going to slow down any time soon. Sometimes in life all we can do is hang on and go for the ride. Most people in my life feel just that way. Right now there are several people I care about going through a lot of stuff. I want you all to know that I care about you and am here for you!
 I was watching Extreme Weight loss this week. The girl on the show did amazing, her self esteem is what I enjoyed watching the most. I am very harsh on myself. I always have been. I remember sitting at home while my brother and sister were out with friends wondering what was wrong with me. Why am I sitting at home playing on the computer eating junk food...why did I not have any friends. What was wrong with me. I was not the most outgoing person back then. I started thinking about this girl on the show and she reminded me of myself. The me who was determined to lose this weight no matter what. The me who ran sever 5k's and a Half Marathon. I liked that me. I liked how I felt. I liked how I inspired myself to keep going, I didn't need outside motivation. Like I said before, life happens. We can chose to let life slow us down, as I did or embrace it and know that these things, these bumps make us stronger. It doesn't feel like it at the time. It makes us feel worn down, tired and dissatisfied. These are all emotions I have been dealing with. And now as the exercise is pumping endorphins into my blood stream and I feel like the clouds are lifting, I realize that I lost myself again. I lost my happy spot. I dont want to do that again. I dont want to feel ugly or fat. I am tired of feeling un comfortable in my own skin. I need to remember that life happens and realize I am the one who chooses how I deal with it. I am my own protector. No one can do that for me.
I have started to lose. Within the past two weeks I have lost 7lbs. I am well on my way to achieving my lowest weight before I turn 40. I have my physical after my Convention in July. I would really like to be where I was before I started to gain. That is my first goal. I am running. A few hic ups has slowed me down, chest cold and rain being the main culprits. Ive mixed up the running with walking and biking.depending on the amount of time I have. A few in my congregation have started a Biggest loser for the next 5 weeks( ends Monday before Convention) Ten of us chipped in $10  and meet on Monday evenings to weigh in and see what is working for us. The majority of us lost this week. It was awesome! I still have my WW meetings on Saturday, so this is a big push to keep me on program for the weekend as well. It would be really cool to win the $100 before the convention, to buy a new outfit. :) No matter what, it has been a great way to get to know some of the sisters and brothers in the hall a little better, and to remind myself that I am in this with a lot of friends. I've been looking back at previous post and realize I need some pictures. I will have some coming. I still have not loved the camera. I made a promise to myself a couple years back that I would never see some of this weight again. I broke that promise. Now I need to continue getting my happy place back! :)

Running again

I have decided it is time to create pain for myself. I have downloaded a 5k AP on my phone. It is pretty cool to have someone yelling in my head. Walk.....now run......walk.... you get the point. My thoughts are that I never really got to the point before of running a full 5k. That is my goal this year. I want to run it .... no walking. Shannon has also started training me in free weights. I have to say that maybe having him watch Biggest Loser with me might not have been the greatest idea....I am embarrassed to say, he kicked my but(there were a couple tears) He used to do weight lifting when we met, and knows quite a bit of torture moves. I am able to type this 3 days after our first workout. I am excited to start this time. There are several friends in my congregation that are just starting to run as well. I really want to be able to keep up.
 I have lost weight. Things are starting to move around. I need to adjust my dinners. I come home from work and feel like I need to graze. I will be changing things up this weekend. I also still have a war with fruits and veggies. I have incorporated more, however it is a thought process every day.
 So this is my life right now, that and family stuff. I'm excited and looking forward to what tomorrow's run might bring.