Walking not running.....yet

I look back to 2011 and remember how good that felt! And think, Im going to jump right in and do it again. So I get dressed, put my shoes on and head out the door.....and start walking. As Im walking I realize that a mile seems like a long walk, and my legs feel like they weigh 100lbs and I realize something. When I started running, I had already lost a lot of weight. I had already been going to the gym and I already had been walking.....a lot! So I've been walking more. Trying for at least 3miles a day. I have not gotten up to 5 days a week, so I will keep that as a goal. I still want to be able to run a mile, I will have to push this out till the end of July. In the past I would set these goals, and then feel like a failure because I didn't reach them. This is time for me. I had neck sweat this week. I motivated myself to get out the door after work 3 days this week, and I ate whole 30 70% of the time. This week, I will do even more.

Life stress this week could be a bit hectic......x's wife is coming to town. I am using this as more fuel for me. If I can keep moving, then the stress should decrease. She will be at our Convention so I am striving to feel the best that I can. And the least amount of stress for me, means that I can be a stronger support for my kids!

My own inspiration

Wow! 2015 and I left this on a high note. ;/ I have been pretty busy and have been posting pictures on instagram and Facebook. So not totally out of the internet world. I don't however post about my weight and stress a whole lot on those platforms. Not so much into the drama. The good news is here I have just a couple loyal family members who check up on me here.
On FB there is a Memory reminder that pulls up daily. 5 years ago......what I posted. This last week there was a lot of memories of my half marathon. I looked at the pictures in amazement. Look at what I did, who I became... That was all my work! And I had so much support from outside family and friends. At that time I had a lot of stress in my world. My training was tough. I posted the good stuff, but I had a lot of pressure to stop, or to not run, told that I was getting too small. and right before the run, I was asked if after the run I would stop, and just focus on my family. I did that. I was tired and running was difficult and I had a lot to fight at home. That being said, this is not about the bad in my past, because that is gone now. Im realizing that I did amazing things for me and my family with a lot of negative pressure....and I got to thinking, what could I do now?
This divorce of mine added a lot of weight. 2 months ago I topped my heaviest at 230lbs. This is not my highest ever. When I started weight watchers way back when I was at 250lbs. I swore that I would never get to that weight again....I got close.
A couple months ago a few friends in my congregation encouraged me to try Whole 30. The entire plan is online and the basics are eating whole foods for 30 days. NO sugar, wheat, dairy, or corn. Do for 30 days, see how your body reacts and then after 30 days slowly reintroduce and see what your body does. I did it..... I was the most difficult thing I have done in a long time. I went through withdrawals, I was exhausted, I would have killed for a latte.... then half way through I was in control of me again. I didn't need coffee(it killed my stomach) I didn't need sugar(unsweetened dried fruit was amazing) my anxiety decreased and my energy level was off the charts. An additional plus, I lost 10lbs! After the 30 days ended, I added back food. Pizza, lattes, and some sugar....and realize now...that they still have a lot of control over me.
Today I take back my strength. I have started Whole 30 again, and as motivation, I'm going to blog about my journey. I am also going to use exercise again as a stress reliever.....instead of eating. I may modify a little. (Such as today, going to a wine and paint party...whole 30 = no wine!) but will do 90% of the time. My fitness goal for the month is to be able to run a mile, and to exercise for a full hour 4-5 days a week.
I felt so strong back in 2010 when I was running and taking care of me. I felt strong when I had a lot working against me. I want to see what I can do now. I want to see my strength on my own. I am my own inspiration this time!

Day 1 219lbs and able to walk for 45min......

Snickers

Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened.” – (Dr. Seuss)
Our best friend is gone....She has been our rock and friend for 10 years. She was our heart and our family. We will miss her and hold her deep in our hearts!

Summer Time Fun

This summer has been crazy busy. We had our Pt Defiance County Fair. Dunk Tank, Face painting, Chili cook off and pie bake. Along with tug of war and water balloon fight. We had a blast!

And our anual camping trip to the lake. The lake was really low but we climbed down to the water and played.

The boys were STARVING! There are no campfires right now, as our state is burning down. So we brought dinner. Apparently we could have brought more!

I have the kids with me for the next couple weekends. We have more camping and sleepovers and congregation activities along with school prep. 

Measurements

I guess this is where it gets real... I said I would get measurements up here. So here they are

Weight 215
Size 16
Biceps 16"
Chest 43"
Stomach 42"
Thigh 26.5"
Calf 17.5"
Bleh!.... This is pretty ugly to me. And I am not pleased that I let myself get back up here again. However a few months ago, my high was 225lbs so I seem to have caught myself. I didn't get to walking last week. I got one day at 10,000 steps. However I did track my food this week. On the Lose it App. So I made some progress there. I also am up to 64oz of water a day. So again baby steps....but progress.  This week I am going for the exercise goal that I set last week. I know that is what is going to get me to where I want to be the fastest, and I need to be in moving mode when the rain hits again. I'm considering this my starting picture.

I am looking forward to this journey again. I gained all of this weight at a very dark time. I'm ready to shed the darkness along with the burden of the weight. My ultimate goal is not a size or number. I want to be medication free. And I want to be the best active single mom that I can be!

Wanna Join Me?

Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life is tough. I have new schedules to keep. New horizons to look at. I wonder if I'll feel good about life soon. I am overwhelmed. I have a Ex issues still, money/house disorganization, and I don't feel great in my own skin. Overeating, lack of movement and stress.....all a very bad combination. That being said....I am the happiest I have been in a great many years. And it's time to take control of the things I have the ability to control. I have been rereading this blog and trying to understand my thinking. And what I came up with is that I love my children, and my family very much.  It is time to focus on that and my friends....and myself. I know I keep saying its time, then I get hit upside the head with the stress stick and go to McD's. That however is not making the stress go away! (said with sarcasm).

I have a good friend starting a major weight loss transformation of her own. And Im thinking that I have done this before. I need to do this for me this time. I keep looking backwards and trying to start in the middle. I am at the beginning. And need to start there. I have been walking......sporadically....but walking. This is what needs to happen. I need accountability. I cant afford WW so this is my place. I hope to blog a few times a week.....as a reflection of self, family, and friends. I will be posting beginning pictures and measurements this week. I have been logging my food for the last week on the Lose It app and been upping my water. I'm up to 64 oz most days. This week, I'm going for every day. And 10,000 steps at least 5 days and 3 days to the gym. I know those who still look at this blog will be big supporters. Thanks and feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

Regional Convention

Its that time of year again. And what a program! So many reminders and so much encouragement to keep holding on to Jehovah's hand. It was difficult to leave. :) The three of us got to be together for half of it. I am very grateful. Here is a couple pics!