Fresno Friends

We had visitors last weekend. It has been 2 years since we have got to visit. The weather was perfect for a morning at the zoo before they had to head home. Maybe next time we will get to see them in warmer weather. :)

Baby Tigers at the zoo have gotten so big. The girl almost died a couple months ago after surgery. Its good to see her ok.

My Girl

Yup I can edit...when I want to.

New Me....coming shortly.

A long time ago in a land far far away...... ok not so long ago and not so far away. I decided that it was time to get healthy. My grandmother had died due to complications of diabetes, as I morned her loss with a 12pack of cupcakes , not the cake part, the frosting part and a glass of whole milk. We had a family dinner after her funeral that included all of her favorites. I cant remember what we ate, I just know how miserable I felt. I remember needing to go for a short walk to move some of it around, before dessert. It was decided several weeks later as I looked at my daughter, that I did not want that for her.
 Last week I weighed in at the scale and it was up again. So I came home and put it in the computer and it showed I had gone up 4.2lbs in about 3months. Yup that was the end of those 4lbs. I posted the below post after that weigh in. So what did I do different. I kicked my butt, that's what! Yup I lost 1.8 of the above 4 so I still have work to do.
 I have some goals in mind this year. I know I have set dates before, but this year I am in control. This year I am moving more, Living more, and complaining less. It is taking a while to get past some of the issues I created, but it's coming. I'm coming up with some events I want to do. But until then here are my weight goals.
 In May we have some plans, my goal for then is to be able to wear a Tank top and feel comfortable. I will be in the sun and really do not want a repeat tan of last year. (My arms never looked so ridiculous.) What am I doing to achieve said goal? The gym is my friend. I am starting out with 45min of cardio and another 15 of weights, primarily arms and abs. I will be changing that once the weather improves, more cardio outside with the family and more weights at the gym.
 My big goal is August 19. I have a friend getting married in Napa and I want to wear an awesome black dress. I would love it to be a size 10, but don't know what my body will look like and what size I will be, because the second part of this goal means I will be at goal. This means goal by the time I turn 39 as well. Why, because goal weight means the beginning of a life full of maintenance that I would like to start before I turn 40.
 I know to reach the end goal I need to amp up the working out part, but with my work, meetings and family I need to figure that out again. So more to come shortly!

Me

So Ive been reflecting about my life a lot lately. The pictures below help in a lot of ways. I can see from where I came, I see what changes happen when I exercise and I see what happens when I let life get in the way of me doing what I want to do. Last year was not my finest, I know Ive said that before. I gave myself permission to not be my best...why? How does not giving yourself your best ever help. Im wondering at what point it helped me to not take care of me and my needs. How did it help my family?  The thing is that stress makes me kind of self centered, I focus on the headaches, the stomach aches, the food. I dont want to move. I want to sit on my couch and watch other peoples drama, because it is so much worse than my own. I get cranky and to be honest Im not the best wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend that I can be. All those things matter, but being Melissa matters more. I have a friend, she has been one of my closest friends for years. I have been asking her lately what she has done to take care of her..... I need to start asking the same question of myself. When did it become ok to not take care of me? 
 I went to the gym last night, and do you know what? I did not have butterflies in my belly when I left. I felt like doing things around the house. I felt like attacking the budget (ok my biggest stress, and one I am still avoiding....baby steps right) I smiled a whole lot more. Why is it you forget what exercise does? Why is it that you dont remember that taking care of your needs is as important as taking care of everyonelse. I lost that. I know that when I feel good I am a better wife, mother,daughter, sister, friend. I have more to give. I am stronger and able to carry stress and other peoples needs better. I am more focused. I dont allow things to bother me. I solve problems better. I am a better me. Its not because of how I look (although that is pretty cool too) Its about how I feel. Its about being in control of something in my life when right now there is so much out of my control.
 I need my family and friends, but I live in here. I have to feel what I feel, no one else does. So I am going to keep working out. I am going to leave the stress with Jehovah and at the gym, because as much as my family and friends want to help me and want me to feel good. I need to do this for myself. I need to want to feel good for myself!
I write it here, because I am my biggest reader. I see the feelings and emotions and know what was motivating to me to keep me going. My own little therapy session. :)

2 Day Circuit Assembly

We had our Circuit Assembly this weekend. Shannon had to stay home with the flu. Poor guy had fever and sore throat. He was quite sad. So the kids and I did it on our own. We had a good weekend. I forgot my camera on the first day. These are from Sunday.

Audrey and I went for a walk at lunch outside. It was rainy and a tad bit cold, but she had A LOT of energy to burn off before we went to sit in the front of the assembly hall.

School day?

Audrey thought it was a school day on Saturday. To be fair our schedule was off a little. Shannon and I went with it and took her to school as she wanted. :)

She had to bring extra books for everyone at school in her back pack.
Once  we got there she realized there was no school. We played for a while in the cold. Love the pink cheeks!

 

Reflections

2010 was a year.... a year that I am glad is gone. I have been in survival mode this year and am glad I was able to accomplish what I did. I finished a half marathon. I lost some weight. Friendships grew and relationships changed. Sometimes it is better to see what you accomplished rather than focus on what might have been.