Thoughts

Life has been crazy around here. Im thinking it is not going to slow down any time soon. Sometimes in life all we can do is hang on and go for the ride. Most people in my life feel just that way. Right now there are several people I care about going through a lot of stuff. I want you all to know that I care about you and am here for you!
 I was watching Extreme Weight loss this week. The girl on the show did amazing, her self esteem is what I enjoyed watching the most. I am very harsh on myself. I always have been. I remember sitting at home while my brother and sister were out with friends wondering what was wrong with me. Why am I sitting at home playing on the computer eating junk food...why did I not have any friends. What was wrong with me. I was not the most outgoing person back then. I started thinking about this girl on the show and she reminded me of myself. The me who was determined to lose this weight no matter what. The me who ran sever 5k's and a Half Marathon. I liked that me. I liked how I felt. I liked how I inspired myself to keep going, I didn't need outside motivation. Like I said before, life happens. We can chose to let life slow us down, as I did or embrace it and know that these things, these bumps make us stronger. It doesn't feel like it at the time. It makes us feel worn down, tired and dissatisfied. These are all emotions I have been dealing with. And now as the exercise is pumping endorphins into my blood stream and I feel like the clouds are lifting, I realize that I lost myself again. I lost my happy spot. I dont want to do that again. I dont want to feel ugly or fat. I am tired of feeling un comfortable in my own skin. I need to remember that life happens and realize I am the one who chooses how I deal with it. I am my own protector. No one can do that for me.
I have started to lose. Within the past two weeks I have lost 7lbs. I am well on my way to achieving my lowest weight before I turn 40. I have my physical after my Convention in July. I would really like to be where I was before I started to gain. That is my first goal. I am running. A few hic ups has slowed me down, chest cold and rain being the main culprits. Ive mixed up the running with walking and biking.depending on the amount of time I have. A few in my congregation have started a Biggest loser for the next 5 weeks( ends Monday before Convention) Ten of us chipped in $10  and meet on Monday evenings to weigh in and see what is working for us. The majority of us lost this week. It was awesome! I still have my WW meetings on Saturday, so this is a big push to keep me on program for the weekend as well. It would be really cool to win the $100 before the convention, to buy a new outfit. :) No matter what, it has been a great way to get to know some of the sisters and brothers in the hall a little better, and to remind myself that I am in this with a lot of friends. I've been looking back at previous post and realize I need some pictures. I will have some coming. I still have not loved the camera. I made a promise to myself a couple years back that I would never see some of this weight again. I broke that promise. Now I need to continue getting my happy place back! :)