Honesty

The truth. It sometimes is a difficult thing to accept. The truth is that I removed this picture from my picture uploads last time I uploaded. Why? I don't like how I look. I know, I will change it. Soon I'll have another shot up here of the person I like better, but for right now, I need to see what I let myself do. No one did this to me. I relaxed. I let go of control. I got involved in other people and things and let myself be ignored.
 Last night on the Biggest Loser, Dolvett said something that I loved. He said : Don't fall in love with this ( what you have accomplished, what you have achieved) fall in love with this( the effort, the exercise, the movement) I fell in love with what I did for myself. I loved how I looked and how I felt, but I didn't love how I got there.
 I have signed up for WW again. I love the control it  gives me. I love being accountable to me and I need to take the time to refocus once a week, on me. I have cancelled the gym for the summer. I have outside activities planned; bike riding, running, walking and climbing(30th street hill 1-2 times a week on my way home). Along with riding scooters with the kids and maybe rollerblading. My fitness goal for this summer is to learn to have fun. I have a 3k planned with my sister in a few weeks, and I am considering the Sound to Narrows again. I would really like some new t-shirts this year.
 The scale is going down finally! So this week I'll hammer down the work outs a little tighter and get the results I want for this week. I'm gonna take care of me, so that I have more to give to my family! That is my motto for this year.

Audrey's first talk

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo PrintingAudrey was householder last night for the first time. She did fantastic! She was housholder for Niki a Pioneer in our hall that Audrey loves.

My Kids

We had a quiet weekend. Shannon was in Walla Walla. The kids and I got to hang out all weekend. Audrey was sick for most of it. But we managed to get to outside .

Memorial

Wish I could find these kids some sun! :)

Another Memorial has come and gone. The kids keep getting bigger and bigger! It was a beautiful night. The talk was amazing!  I was so happy to spend the evening with family and then friends after.

Sorry!

I got this new camera and stopped taking pictures. I dont know why. Here are a few of this last weekend. We were all sick. Spencer still looks pale in these. Audrey started us off last week. At one point I had convinced myself that she had miningitis. Looks like she might have migrains and this week a virus that starts off with a terrible headache. Spencer had Thursday night (missed his #3 he had been practicing all week) and Shannon and I woke up with it on Saturday morning. We still got out of the house and had a little fun with the kids. They had both grown out of there last bikes so we surpised them with these. I promise to update more often. :)

Foggy

  At my heaviest I look back now and realize that I was living in a fog. I wish I could describe it better, but when your in it you dont see life. You exist in it but you dont live it. Within the last year, Ive felt that fog coming back in. The fog is when you sit on the couch and say its too cold outside to go for a walk. Its when it seems like  a lot of work to walk Audrey to school and so I drive. Its when I have no kids on a Friday and on the way to the gym, the car veers to Safeway and the exercise I get that day is walking to the back of the store to get a doughnut ....ok so it was two. I'm tired of complaining and not doing the work. I'm thinking your tired of turning to this blog and wondering if there is an update.
   So I was trying to play catch up. I was thinking I just need to start up again. The truth is I need to start over. I need a new beginning. I haven't gone back to where I am. I have however made a good start of it. I wish I lived where the sun shinned constantly. I wish I loved and exercise that I would do on a daily basis. That I would reach a goal and beat it the next. I haven't yet. I have set goals in the past. Physical, mental, social. This is my next goal. Find something that I love to do. Rain(because I live in Washington) or shine. I'm going to try new things and push things that maybe I don't love. It is time for no excuses. Spring is here (ok...every where else but here, we've had snow multiple times since the first day of spring) Summer will be here shortly. I need a physical, I cancelled due to not wanting to go in heavier than I was 2 years ago. I need to push myself to new levels. I need to feel good about me. I need to look good this summer and know that I have done all I can every day.
   This is my new start. Yes, two years ago I lost 64lbs. This year I want to loose 40. I want to run with my kids. I want to walk my daughter to school and it not feel like a chore. I want to sweat(I have been doing that, at the gym) I want to not eat 2meals in the evening. I will be finally be in control of my sugar addiction. I will be blogging more, Sometimes to brag, sometimes to cry and sometimes to just work stuff out. If you get tired of reading I understand, but this is what I need right now. So I will be using this forum to make choices and decisions that will push me along my way out of the fog.

Step Ups

Usually when I disappear for a while I come back with bad news. This time, Ive just been really busy. I work till 5 on Mondays and then go to  the gym for a hour than come home for family worship. On Tuesday, Wednesday I work till 4, come home make dinner, go to gym until about 7 and come home eat dinner. Thursday is meeting and Friday is still Ava day with an attempt to get to the gym for Zumba at 5:45.(That has not happened yet) Saturday is family day and Sunday is a run or gym time.

 That is my week, in a nutshell. I have another workout partner. She is kicking my butt! One of the workouts we do is 1000 step ups. Yup, take a step up board and step up 1000 times. Every other 200, holding a 5lb weight or medicine ball. Afterwards abs, arms and legs. Needless to say, my body is hurting by the Wednesday. I usually think about blogging this by then and the thought of holding my arms up to type frightens me. :) I have learned to place my things in a lower locker so that I can undo my lock to get my stuff. :)
 I do have to say, it is really important to have someone to push me a little harder. To have someone there at the end of the day so I don't woos out. I'll have to talk more later.....gotta go to work!