Thoughts

Life has been crazy around here. Im thinking it is not going to slow down any time soon. Sometimes in life all we can do is hang on and go for the ride. Most people in my life feel just that way. Right now there are several people I care about going through a lot of stuff. I want you all to know that I care about you and am here for you!
 I was watching Extreme Weight loss this week. The girl on the show did amazing, her self esteem is what I enjoyed watching the most. I am very harsh on myself. I always have been. I remember sitting at home while my brother and sister were out with friends wondering what was wrong with me. Why am I sitting at home playing on the computer eating junk food...why did I not have any friends. What was wrong with me. I was not the most outgoing person back then. I started thinking about this girl on the show and she reminded me of myself. The me who was determined to lose this weight no matter what. The me who ran sever 5k's and a Half Marathon. I liked that me. I liked how I felt. I liked how I inspired myself to keep going, I didn't need outside motivation. Like I said before, life happens. We can chose to let life slow us down, as I did or embrace it and know that these things, these bumps make us stronger. It doesn't feel like it at the time. It makes us feel worn down, tired and dissatisfied. These are all emotions I have been dealing with. And now as the exercise is pumping endorphins into my blood stream and I feel like the clouds are lifting, I realize that I lost myself again. I lost my happy spot. I dont want to do that again. I dont want to feel ugly or fat. I am tired of feeling un comfortable in my own skin. I need to remember that life happens and realize I am the one who chooses how I deal with it. I am my own protector. No one can do that for me.
I have started to lose. Within the past two weeks I have lost 7lbs. I am well on my way to achieving my lowest weight before I turn 40. I have my physical after my Convention in July. I would really like to be where I was before I started to gain. That is my first goal. I am running. A few hic ups has slowed me down, chest cold and rain being the main culprits. Ive mixed up the running with walking and biking.depending on the amount of time I have. A few in my congregation have started a Biggest loser for the next 5 weeks( ends Monday before Convention) Ten of us chipped in $10  and meet on Monday evenings to weigh in and see what is working for us. The majority of us lost this week. It was awesome! I still have my WW meetings on Saturday, so this is a big push to keep me on program for the weekend as well. It would be really cool to win the $100 before the convention, to buy a new outfit. :) No matter what, it has been a great way to get to know some of the sisters and brothers in the hall a little better, and to remind myself that I am in this with a lot of friends. I've been looking back at previous post and realize I need some pictures. I will have some coming. I still have not loved the camera. I made a promise to myself a couple years back that I would never see some of this weight again. I broke that promise. Now I need to continue getting my happy place back! :)

Running again

I have decided it is time to create pain for myself. I have downloaded a 5k AP on my phone. It is pretty cool to have someone yelling in my head. Walk.....now run......walk.... you get the point. My thoughts are that I never really got to the point before of running a full 5k. That is my goal this year. I want to run it .... no walking. Shannon has also started training me in free weights. I have to say that maybe having him watch Biggest Loser with me might not have been the greatest idea....I am embarrassed to say, he kicked my but(there were a couple tears) He used to do weight lifting when we met, and knows quite a bit of torture moves. I am able to type this 3 days after our first workout. I am excited to start this time. There are several friends in my congregation that are just starting to run as well. I really want to be able to keep up.
 I have lost weight. Things are starting to move around. I need to adjust my dinners. I come home from work and feel like I need to graze. I will be changing things up this weekend. I also still have a war with fruits and veggies. I have incorporated more, however it is a thought process every day.
 So this is my life right now, that and family stuff. I'm excited and looking forward to what tomorrow's run might bring.

Honesty

The truth. It sometimes is a difficult thing to accept. The truth is that I removed this picture from my picture uploads last time I uploaded. Why? I don't like how I look. I know, I will change it. Soon I'll have another shot up here of the person I like better, but for right now, I need to see what I let myself do. No one did this to me. I relaxed. I let go of control. I got involved in other people and things and let myself be ignored.
 Last night on the Biggest Loser, Dolvett said something that I loved. He said : Don't fall in love with this ( what you have accomplished, what you have achieved) fall in love with this( the effort, the exercise, the movement) I fell in love with what I did for myself. I loved how I looked and how I felt, but I didn't love how I got there.
 I have signed up for WW again. I love the control it  gives me. I love being accountable to me and I need to take the time to refocus once a week, on me. I have cancelled the gym for the summer. I have outside activities planned; bike riding, running, walking and climbing(30th street hill 1-2 times a week on my way home). Along with riding scooters with the kids and maybe rollerblading. My fitness goal for this summer is to learn to have fun. I have a 3k planned with my sister in a few weeks, and I am considering the Sound to Narrows again. I would really like some new t-shirts this year.
 The scale is going down finally! So this week I'll hammer down the work outs a little tighter and get the results I want for this week. I'm gonna take care of me, so that I have more to give to my family! That is my motto for this year.

Audrey's first talk

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo PrintingAudrey was householder last night for the first time. She did fantastic! She was housholder for Niki a Pioneer in our hall that Audrey loves.

My Kids

We had a quiet weekend. Shannon was in Walla Walla. The kids and I got to hang out all weekend. Audrey was sick for most of it. But we managed to get to outside .

Memorial

Wish I could find these kids some sun! :)

Another Memorial has come and gone. The kids keep getting bigger and bigger! It was a beautiful night. The talk was amazing!  I was so happy to spend the evening with family and then friends after.

Sorry!

I got this new camera and stopped taking pictures. I dont know why. Here are a few of this last weekend. We were all sick. Spencer still looks pale in these. Audrey started us off last week. At one point I had convinced myself that she had miningitis. Looks like she might have migrains and this week a virus that starts off with a terrible headache. Spencer had Thursday night (missed his #3 he had been practicing all week) and Shannon and I woke up with it on Saturday morning. We still got out of the house and had a little fun with the kids. They had both grown out of there last bikes so we surpised them with these. I promise to update more often. :)